Each week I have hundreds of opportunities to choose to distance or connect with my partner. I agree with the research that confirms that acting in caring and loving ways brings about caring and loving feelings.
I found this list of “Quick Connects” for Couples ( courtesy of the Alabama Community Healthy Marriage Initiative “free stuff”section of http://smartmarriages.com. ).
I encourage you to be the first to try a few out for a week. I challenge you to notice how it changes your feelings and thoughts. I would caution doing this with your mind set on changing your partner.
Let me know how it goes!
1. Make sure your kisses last at least six seconds. Every now and then go for a full minute.
2. Feed each other grapes.
3. Stick a love note in a lunch box, purse or pocket.
4. Send funny and/or romantic cards by snail mail or e-mail.
5. Learn how to give a great foot massage.
6. Wash each other’s hair. Watch the movie Out of Africa for pointers.
7. Set your alarm for five minutes earlier than usual to cuddle.
8. Smile at each other.
9. Get silly with each other and laugh out loud together.
10. Grab your partner for a spontaneous dance when a favorite song comes on the radio or stereo.
11. Make eye contact when you talk.
12. Hold hands.
13. Leave a wonderful voice mail message on their phone.
14. Text a love note.
15. Send a love e-mail every day.
16. Leave little love notes in unexpected places.
17. Send a funny photo on your phone.
18. Ask about each others’ days.
19. Listen with 100% attention.
20. Give a one-minute shoulder massage.
21. Do something unexpected for your spouse.
22. Snuggle on the couch.
23. Touch each other with affection.
24. Notice and comment about something your spouse does that you like.
25. Say thank you.
26. Say you’re welcome.
27. Be interested in what your spouse is doing.
28. Tell a joke.
29. Leave a flower.
30. Offer to help.
31. Write a poem.
32. Read a poem to your spouse.
33. Cook a romantic dinner.
34. Offer to cook dinner if you aren’t the one who usually cooks.
35. Burn a CD with favorite songs, or love songs.
36. Post photos on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror that remind you of wonderful times you’ve shared.
37. Bring home great take out for just the two of you.
38. Say “I love you” in a different way every day.
39. Slow dance to a love song.
40. Write a love note on the bathroom mirror. PG rated if you have kids!
41. Offer to take the kids out of the house for awhile and give the other parent some alone time.
42. Dip a strawberry into whipped cream and feed to your partner.
43. At night, step outside together for five minutes and look at the stars.
44. Sing to each other.
45. Make a care package with his/her favorite snacks and leave it in the car. 46. Establish a weekly ritual that you faithfully observe. For example, watching a favorite television program, taking a walk after dinner, putting candles on the table.
47. Give your spouse a little token to wear as a reminder of your love. (Try for creative rather than expensive.)
48. Kiss your spouse on the back of the neck.
49. Flirt with each other.
50. Watch a sunrise or sunset together.
More Information: Gottman, J.M. & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown Publishers Please visit website at www.alabamamarriage.org for more “Love Notes’ or call 1-888-4TOGETHER