One Small Change: The Power of Words (part 2)

untitled“I feel invisible.”   “He is not the man I married.”  “We don’t do that, now do we?” “She thinks she knows me, but she doesn’t”

In my work with couples and families,  I like to encourage partners or family members to speak for themselves.  One way I do this is having individuals say “I” instead of “We”.    (Click here if you want more information on the theory behind this reasoning)

I practice this myself:  I intentionally write and speak in first person.  I found it hard at first, fearing I sounded selfish or egotistical.

However, I find getting to know “You and I”  is easier when the two) have not melded into a safe sounding,  ambiguous,  “We”.   As I personalize my speech I am able to enjoy one of the most gratifying parts of relationships:  catching  a glimpse of the other person’s uniqueness.  As I hold on to the “you and I” language, that discovery of each other can happen even in the most familiar relationships.  Such a little change…

you and meTry it

I would like you to try this next  language modification:

Instead of saying  “we”   say “you and I”  or “_______and me”, or simply “I”.

If “we”  slips out,  claim a do over,  “We agreed..wait… I said I wanted to eat out and you said ok.”

I think you’ll notice a difference  right away.  I’ve heard some people say that this small change in language gave them clarity, and appreciation for one another.   I am aware that for some people saying “I” will feel risky and for some saying, “I” will feel surprisingly liberating.

I look forward to your comments and feedback.



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One comment on “One Small Change: The Power of Words (part 2)
  1. Anonymous says:

    Ramona…I really like this feature. Going to try it to….pretty sure it would work in all kindws of relationships.


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Ramona Taylor, M.A. LMFT a Clinical Fellow of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (LMFT97652)


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embrace 1Many people are surprised to find that they begin to notice positive changes from the moment they make their appointment. As a Marriage & Family Therapist registered intern, I pull from a wide range of treatment modalities to create a treatment plan that will benefit each individual client. As former teacher I carry with me the desire to teach myself out of a job. So, along with effective individualized treatment, I make it my goal to teach clients to use what they learn in session, where it counts: in their everyday lives.   I see couples, families, children, young adults and teens. I have varied hours of availability, including late afternoons, early mornings at The Inland Integrated Wellness Center. Our office is located in the historic district of Corona about 1 mile South of the 91FWY :
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(888) 634-6999 ext 16 if you would like more information or would like to start therapy.
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